I've sort of been thinking about the things I can put in my blog. I love to write and since I am a Psychologist/Professional Counselor, I thought this would be something I can do. And since it's so much on my mind, I figured I would write something about love and relationship ~ to offer my expertise and perspective in this very important part of our lives. My blogs doesn’t suggest that you should agree/disagree on it, but ponder if you may…. for this is a thought, a shared and FREE counseling if you call it that way. If the shoe fits, wear it! If not, go and try some more shoes out there (Ha Ha Ha). …reading is essential and fundamental, but understanding and applying the content of what you just learned and read is the best thing you can give to yourself in this so called LIFE’s JOURNEY!
How many times have you asked your boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse or they have asked you, "Why do you love me?" Have you been able to reply from the heart about all of the little things, the hair, the eyes, and the way he/she laughs? While these characteristics can certainly be lovable, are they the true reason that love is there between you?
The best answer is one that on the surface seems pretty lame. "Because you are you and I am me." The relationship just works. That is not to say that relationship or marriage doesn't require effort now and then, but isn't it nice to know that you were chosen for no other reason than the fact that you are who you are? And the person that you love loves you back?
One of my favorite Shakespearean Sonnets is Sonnet 130. Unlike the flowery language that you might expect from earlier sonnets, this poem about a love is rather insulting. It goes on to say how his lover is not fair, how her hair resembles black wires and how her breath reeks. Just when you think any woman hearing or reading this would slap the author in the face at the very least, it turns around in the last couplet to basically say that since he is aware of all of her faults, his love is more true than any other. "You're not perfect baby, but I'm madly in love with you."
Love should be expanding. That’s kind of a key word, "expanding." It reminds me of the lessons I've learned last year from one of my classes in Marriage Therapy and Self Appraisal before graduating…. in a nutshell, what do you think love should do in any relationships? Is it supposed to stop? Is it supposed to grow? Or is it supposed to accept that the love you give and the love you receive is the best thing each of you can offer? Is there a scale from one to ten that gives you that credentials to see who loves whom more in any relationships? Can you truly measure the amount you give and the amount you receive? Who offers the greater love?
Maybe that's the key. If you think on it, those times when you find unhappy with your partner or spouse, they are the times when you focus on the negative. The more you stew about what he or she is not doing, the angrier you get. But if you focused on the heart that belongs to you ~ how much love you give each and everyday, does that count?
But when you take a moment to step back (read that as: when you blow up and he puts you in your place by pointing out the good he's done), and you wake up to the fact that you are being too critical, or expecting him to read your mind, or you are just having a bad day at work or just plain PMSing and looking for a fight, your heart opens up to receiving love again.
Ah, that's another critical concept, having a heart that's open to love. You have to let it in, in order to receive it. It might sound common but you'd be surprised how many people close them off. Measure your own love. The things you do each day for each other is the things that will give you that “validation” that you indeed gave it your best shot. Love endures all ~ but people weaken it. We tend to nourish the love that we have only when it is suitable, acceptable, and reciprocated. But Love is much more than that. See within your heart ~ it is a very small organ of the body, but it sure does make the best of our existence. Value your heart. Value the love that you give, not only the ones you receive. For the love of you is the most critical aspect of any relationships.
So I guess what all of us should realized today is that, like money, love doesn't grow on trees. But it does grow once planted, and, once rooted, continues producing as long as it's tended to.
But if love truly is not there anymore…. there are other things to consider….
Yours truly,
Your counselor for the moment…
