Domestic Violence; It's EVERYBODY'S Business!
Please join me in supporting Domestic Violence Awareness Month!
Domestic violence should not happen to anybody. Ever. Period. But it does - and when it does, there is help. Maybe you have lived with abuse, maybe it happened just once; maybe you work or live next to someone who is being abused right now. Abuse is never okay; second, you are not alone. If you know someone whom you think is being abused - a friend, family member, co-worker, client, patient or parishioner - please report it before it is too late. Get help! Take the step and save a life!
DEFINITION:
Domestic violence and emotional abuse are behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other. Partners may be married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated or dating.
Examples of abuse include:
* name calling or putdowns
* keeping a partner from contacting their family or friends
* withholding money
* stopping a partner from getting or keeping a job
* actual or threatened physical harm
* sexual assault
* stalking
* intimidation
ANYONE CAN BE A VICTIM!
Victims can be of any age, sex, race, culture, religion, education, employment or marital status. Although both men and women can be abused, most victims are women. Children in homes where there is domestic violence are more likely to be abused and/or neglected. Most children in these homes know about the violence. Even if a child is not physically harmed, they may have emotional and behavior problems.
If you are being abused, REMEMBER
* you are not alone
* it is not your fault
* help is available
COMMON MYTHS AND WHY THEY ARE WRONG
* Domestic violence is not a problem in my community.
~ Are you sure? Domestic violence can happen to any community and groups.
* Domestic violence only happens to a certain individual.
~ Domestic violence happens in all kinds of families and relationships. Persons of any class, culture, religion, sexual orientation, marital status, age, and sex can be victims or perpetrators of domestic violence.
* Some people deserve to be hit.
~ No one deserves to be abused. Period. The only person responsible for the abuse is the abuser.
~ Physical violence, even among family members, is wrong and against the law.
* Alcohol, drug abuse, stress, and mental illness cause domestic violence.
~ Alcohol use, drug use, and stress do not cause domestic violence; they may go along with domestic violence, but they do not cause the violence. Abusers often say they use these excuses for their violence.
~ Generally, domestic violence happens when an abuser has learned and chooses to abuse.
~ Domestic violence is rarely caused by mental illness, but it is often used as an excuse for domestic violence.
* Domestic violence is a personal problem between a husband and a wife.
~ Domestic violence affects everyone.
~ About 1 in 3 American women have been physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives. (Commonwealth Fund, Health Concerns Across a Woman's Lifespan: the Commonwealth Fund 2007 Survey of Women's Health, 2008)
~ In 2009, 34% of all female murder victims were killed by their husbands or boyfriends. (Federal Bureau of Investigation, 2009)
~ 40% to 60% of men who abuse women also abuse children. (American Psychological Association, Violence and the Family, 2009)
* If it were that bad, she would just leave.
~ There are many reasons why women may not leave. Not leaving does not mean that the situation is okay or that the victim want to be abused.
~ Leaving can be dangerous. The most dangerous time for a woman who is being abused is when she tries to leave. (United States Department of Justice, National Crime Victim Survey, 2009)
QUESTIONS ABOUT LEAVING
Many victims of domestic violence ask these questions about leaving.
Can I take my children with me when I leave?
■Yes. If you can do it safely, definitely take your children with you. It may be more difficult later.
■Get legal custody of them within a few days. This is very important.
■If you do not have your children with you, it may be difficult filing for temporary custody of your children. The parent who has physical possession of the children may have an advantage getting temporary custody.
■Your partner may try to kidnap, threaten or harm the children in order to get you to return.
■If you are in immediate danger and cannot take your children, contact the police immediately to arrange for temporary protective custody. (This does not mean you will lose custody. Permanent custody will be decided later by a judge.)
Where do I go?
■Stay with a friend or relatives.
■If you are a woman, do not stay with a man unless he is a relative. (Living with a man you are not married to could hurt your chances of getting custody of your children and spousal support. It could also cause conflict with your abuser.)
■Go to a battered women’s shelter with your children. The staff can help you get legal and financial help as well as provide counseling and emotional support for you and your children.
■Or call 911 because it is a good start.
MANY VICTIMS DO LEAVE AND LEAD SUCCESSFUL, VIOLENCE FREE LIVES.
But for some, it is too late.
