Have you seen those commercials with Plus Size
women modeling clothes and even undergarments?
Do you ever wonder what it is about them that makes them so confident?
So completely comfortable in their skin and radiating such positive, charismatic
energy? I used to wonder this too. And then I learned and read about Stephenie
Zamora’s article about confidence. According to her, “Confidence really comes
down to one incredibly simple thing, OWNING IT!”
She wrote, “When you're ‘owning it,’ it means that
you're totally and completely at peace with who you are in every moment,
interaction and experience. You make no apologies for being awkward, nervous,
excited, loud, soft spoken or other... you're just you. You radiate charismatic
energy whether or not you have an extroverted personality because you are
genuinely content with yourself and your present experience.”
Then she listed three ways to own it and how to
be totally confident, all of the time.
1) Get out of your head!
When you stop engaging in the present moment and
begin to think about how you look, sound, feel, smell, etc., you're
creating an immediate disconnect. Whether you're disconnecting from a
conversation or general experience, the effect is the same: You immediately
lose confidence. This loss of confidence creates an energetic wave that is felt
by everyone in the same room, interacting with you or listening to you
speak. It's amazing how someone else's perception of and connection to you can
change the instant that you disengage with the present moment and go into your
head. It makes it harder for them to connect to your message or to you, leaving
them uncertain and uninterested. The trick to living in the present moment is constant
practice. When you catch yourself engaging in a viscous thought cycle rather
than the present moment (or the person you're with), use your senses to gently
guide you back. Speak, take in the smells, notice the textures that you can
feel. People that appear totally cool and collected, they are 100 percent engaged
in the present moment.”
2) Own it. Whatever "it" is.
“The second way to create instant and unshakable
confidence is to totally own it. Whether it's your opinions, emotions,
feelings, words or choice of dessert, just own it. Don't give a single thought
to what anyone else would think of what you're doing. You're you, you want what you want and you do
what you do. No apologies. No
explanation. Just own it. This
concept is easy to grasp in terms of ordering whatever you want off the menu or
picking a movie, but what about your feelings, emotions and experiences? For the longest time I struggled to own my
personality, my view of the world, my way of thinking and my feelings. Not only
did I lack confidence, I was stressed, uncomfortable and completely miserable
trying to "fit in" with the rest of the world. I can tell you from experience, it's a waste
of precious time and energy. If you're feeling sad or moody, just own it. Be
sad, be moody. Are you nervous as hell? Own it. Tell everyone that
you're nervous as hell! It stops the process of entering your head dead in it's
tracks.”
I agree with Stephenie, back in the days when I
was still in the Army, I used to get extremely nervous giving speeches
in front of Soldiers, coworkers, and training events. There were so many times
that I was so lost in my head and fighting my feelings that when I sat back
down after speaking, my hands were sweating, and my face felt really blushed,
not to mention, I couldn’t remember if I made any connections with the audience
at all. But through practice and understanding my own feelings, and accepting
the responsibilities associated with moving through the ranks, I can’t help but
making the proper adjustments to do my duties. I realized that as I owned the
promotions throughout the years, I must own the responsibilities with it. Therefore, there was no time to be holding
back. As a leader, I must be able to
communicate and provide outstanding examples to my subordinates. Needless to say, I became a great speaker and
was invited numerous times to give speeches during military graduations and
such. I learned to master public
speaking even without notes, and give impromptu speeches. These definitely helped me gained total
confidence as time went by. I even started telling a little joke and you know
what I got? Smiles, applause and real connection to everyone in the room
instead of the typical glazed over stares and uninterested faces. Stephenie
Zamora mentioned, “being totally okay with whatever emotions, sensations or
feelings you're experiencing in any given moment results in the
appearance of total confidence.”
3) Just. Be. You.
“When you honor who you really are, you will do
things like wear the clothes that you really love... this in turn makes you
feel comfortable, and that produces confidence.” I really believe that size or weight has
nothing to do with confidence.
“Have you ever dressed up in a fancy suit or some
clothes that aren't your normal style? Did you feel uncomfortable the entire
time? I bet you did. That triggers your mind to run wild with thoughts that do
nothing but zap your confidence and make you feel like crap.”
Stephenie said, “by honoring who you are and what
you truly prefer in life, you're creating an environment for confidence. You're
allowing yourself to be comfortable and express yourself. In turn, you attract
the right people, opportunities and more into your life. When the right people
and opportunities come along, you feel confident because things are easy.
They work for you and your personality. Don't
ever pretend to be someone or something you're not! Just be you. You are
amazing. You are unique. You will be so much happier and more confident when
you just settle into who you are.”
From What is Confidence, Really? By Stephenie
Zamora, Founder, StephenieZamora.com
