Confidence

Have you seen those commercials with Plus Size women modeling clothes and even undergarments?  Do you ever wonder what it is about them that makes them so confident? So completely comfortable in their skin and radiating such positive, charismatic energy? I used to wonder this too. And then I learned and read about Stephenie Zamora’s article about confidence. According to her, “Confidence really comes down to one incredibly simple thing, OWNING IT!”

She wrote, “When you're ‘owning it,’ it means that you're totally and completely at peace with who you are in every moment, interaction and experience. You make no apologies for being awkward, nervous, excited, loud, soft spoken or other... you're just you. You radiate charismatic energy whether or not you have an extroverted personality because you are genuinely content with yourself and your present experience.”

Then she listed three ways to own it and how to be totally confident, all of the time. 

1) Get out of your head!

When you stop engaging in the present moment and begin to think about how you look, sound, feel, smell, etc., you're creating an immediate disconnect. Whether you're disconnecting from a conversation or general experience, the effect is the same: You immediately lose confidence. This loss of confidence creates an energetic wave that is felt by everyone in the same room, interacting with you or listening to you speak. It's amazing how someone else's perception of and connection to you can change the instant that you disengage with the present moment and go into your head. It makes it harder for them to connect to your message or to you, leaving them uncertain and uninterested. The trick to living in the present moment is constant practice. When you catch yourself engaging in a viscous thought cycle rather than the present moment (or the person you're with), use your senses to gently guide you back. Speak, take in the smells, notice the textures that you can feel. People that appear totally cool and collected, they are 100 percent engaged in the present moment.”

2) Own it. Whatever "it" is.

“The second way to create instant and unshakable confidence is to totally own it. Whether it's your opinions, emotions, feelings, words or choice of dessert, just own it. Don't give a single thought to what anyone else would think of what you're doing.  You're you, you want what you want and you do what you do.  No apologies. No explanation. Just own it.  This concept is easy to grasp in terms of ordering whatever you want off the menu or picking a movie, but what about your feelings, emotions and experiences?  For the longest time I struggled to own my personality, my view of the world, my way of thinking and my feelings. Not only did I lack confidence, I was stressed, uncomfortable and completely miserable trying to "fit in" with the rest of the world.  I can tell you from experience, it's a waste of precious time and energy. If you're feeling sad or moody, just own it. Be sad, be moody. Are you nervous as hell? Own it. Tell everyone that you're nervous as hell! It stops the process of entering your head dead in it's tracks.”

I agree with Stephenie, back in the days when I was still in the Army, I used to get extremely nervous giving speeches in front of Soldiers, coworkers, and training events. There were so many times that I was so lost in my head and fighting my feelings that when I sat back down after speaking, my hands were sweating, and my face felt really blushed, not to mention, I couldn’t remember if I made any connections with the audience at all. But through practice and understanding my own feelings, and accepting the responsibilities associated with moving through the ranks, I can’t help but making the proper adjustments to do my duties. I realized that as I owned the promotions throughout the years, I must own the responsibilities with it.  Therefore, there was no time to be holding back.  As a leader, I must be able to communicate and provide outstanding examples to my subordinates.  Needless to say, I became a great speaker and was invited numerous times to give speeches during military graduations and such.  I learned to master public speaking even without notes, and give impromptu speeches.  These definitely helped me gained total confidence as time went by. I even started telling a little joke and you know what I got? Smiles, applause and real connection to everyone in the room instead of the typical glazed over stares and uninterested faces. Stephenie Zamora mentioned, “being totally okay with whatever emotions, sensations or feelings you're experiencing in any given moment results in the appearance of total confidence.”

3) Just. Be. You.

“When you honor who you really are, you will do things like wear the clothes that you really love... this in turn makes you feel comfortable, and that produces confidence.”  I really believe that size or weight has nothing to do with confidence.

“Have you ever dressed up in a fancy suit or some clothes that aren't your normal style? Did you feel uncomfortable the entire time? I bet you did. That triggers your mind to run wild with thoughts that do nothing but zap your confidence and make you feel like crap.”

Stephenie said, “by honoring who you are and what you truly prefer in life, you're creating an environment for confidence. You're allowing yourself to be comfortable and express yourself. In turn, you attract the right people, opportunities and more into your life. When the right people and opportunities come along, you feel confident because things are easy. They work for you and your personality.  Don't ever pretend to be someone or something you're not! Just be you. You are amazing. You are unique. You will be so much happier and more confident when you just settle into who you are.”

From What is Confidence, Really? By Stephenie Zamora, Founder, StephenieZamora.com