The traits that shape us remain stable over time, making them the closest thing we have to a crystal ball. Whether you wish to take an inventory of yourself, gauge the suitability of a partner, glimpse what a friendship hold, or preview a child's trajectory, here are six key candidates for your attention:
INTELLIGENCE - the biggest boon
Of all the attributes to consider in another person, intelligence is probably at the top of the list. Since it is the most stable quality over time, and primarily a product of genetic endowment - although stimulating environments allow it to blossom - it is almost as reliable a guide in adults as well as in children. More than any other trait, it is the great declarer of possibility, an indicator of the likelihood of doing well in life.
DRIVE - the goals you set
Everyone defines it differently, but is there a person alive who doesn't want to succeed? There is a quality beyond working doggedly - some call it surgency - in which the energy of hard work is accomplished by vibrancy and a sense of pleasure. Others call it passion; either way, it is the "engine of accomplishment." It allows a person to achieve whatever goals they set in life. And yet, persistence also begets passion. Further, both of them are made possible only by a sense of optimism.
HAPPINESS - the capacity for finding satisfaction
There's a great deal of cultural confusion about what happiness is and how to achieve it. Exploring a person's belief about happiness is likely to reveal not only how they might approach it but how likely they are to find it. Happiness comes not from a magical power to escape setbacks but the ability to rebound from them, also known as resilience. There is no happiness without challenge, risk, and growth.
EMPATHY - the legacy and capacity for goodness
Empathy shows up early in life and it endures. How motivated is someone to care when you are hurt? How mindful is a person toward your goals? Empathy is laudable by itself, but it has enormous social utility. It is a source of restraint against the abuse and exploitation of others. There are people who get good at faking empathy although they are at heart ruthless. Internally, they feel little concern, they are just being fake. The capacity for empathy is necessary for goodness.
FRIENDSHIP - the capacity for reciprocity
Friendship allows you to grow. Knowing there is a support system encourages you to take more chances and move toward greater success. Relationship with peers hinge on equality and reciprocity - one reason, they are so inherently satisfying. Endurance is an important measure of friendship quality. The ability to build a history with someone is about the value they place on loyalty, and how sustainable they are through the ups and downs of experience. A long term friendship signals a person to be able to tolerate human foibles and having been accepted fully by someone registers deep inside a person.
INTIMACY - the capacity for vulnerability and trust
Intimacy is an important source of balance, the ultimate leavening in life and the deepest source of comfort. And because it is the root of psychic security, it is a firm foundation for approaching the new and a wellspring of willingness to engage in exploration of life. Gauge someone's capacity for intimacy and you will understand something about their ability to trust another human being, reveal vulnerability, make a commitment of any kind, and regulate distress as well. In fact, no human enterprise can operate soundly in the absence of trust.
Source: Psychology Today
